I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize