Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
