I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
