Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
