So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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