Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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