just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
