Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
