Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
