Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
