East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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