I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
