Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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