Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
