garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize