Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
