I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
