I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sex in a hospital.. check
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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