he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
