YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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