chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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