Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
