Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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