Don't you send me to vm
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
