She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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