Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
