I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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