dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
