And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
