My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
