His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize