A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
