Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
