She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize