it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
