I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
