Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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