get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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