Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
