Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize