Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
