normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
