you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize