4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
