I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
