Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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