I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
