No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
