i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My dick has a subreddit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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