Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
