I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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