you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
