Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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