just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
