Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
