does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize