omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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