could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
