Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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