just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
