drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
