It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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