Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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