You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
