im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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