it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
