i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
