Need sex. Gaining weight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
