Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
