I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
