how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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