my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
