I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
