her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize