She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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