whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
