the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
