That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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