dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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