thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
