So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
