his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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