I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
