and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
