You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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