We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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