I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
