Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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