ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
