Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
