I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
