people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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